Things you should never say to your boyfriend..

After being in a relationship for a couple of years, I’ve learned a few things. I’m no expert but well, at least I have some experience. Even though we have an open, honest relationship, some things are just not meant to be said. So to all the girls out there, read and learn. Don’t repeat the same mistake…

Here is my list of “Things never to say to your boyfriend:

1. “You know, Annie’s pregnant… but you must promise never to tell it to anyone”

It’s going to be hard for him to remember what he can or cannot say. Not only is he carrying around the weight of all your secrets, he needs to remember your friend’s secret as well. Well, if he did spill the beans, you will get the blame from your friend, not him.

2. “After we get married….”

You might just scare him off. Most guys are afraid of commitments. Don’t ask me why, I still can’t figure it out yet. I guess it’s the animal instinct in them that if they get married, they lose out on maybe getting a better chick then you. But mind you, this is only applicable if you are new in a relationship. If you have been together for a long, long time and you are moving towards marriage, then it’s fine. But remember, if you wanna fantasize at the beginning of a relationship; keep those fantasies in your head.

3. “Do you think she’s pretty?

What do you think you will get by asking this question? If he says “yes,” you’ll probably get jealous and upset. You might even follow up with “Is she prettier than me?” Talk about a loaded question!

If he says “no”, you’ll accuse him of being a liar. You’ll wonder what else he’s lying about, even as you assure him you don’t mind if he says “yes.” Pfff…as if you’re that insecure!

Has he managed to convince you that he genuinely doesn’t find her attractive at all? You’ll wonder what his bad taste says about you.

See?

Either way, no one wins..

4. “I’m fine”

You know, I’ve used this word countless of time but I guess I’ve not a very good liar. He knows it from the look on my face. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve not said a word or look at him for the past hour. But when your boyfriend asks if you’re okay and you say you’re fine; your boyfriend most probable wants to tear his hair out.

Be open. Be honest. Share and talk to each other. Hiding your frustrations will eventually create more problems.

5. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

(Repeatedly. Even after he’s told you he really is okay.)

Haha. I’ve also used this countless of time. Sometimes when your boyfriend gets quiet and does not talk to you, you’ll get worried. I know how it feels. And us being girls, we prod and probe, hoping to understand what the issue is. But in actual fact, there is no reason at all.

I realize that men can get emotional too. After all, they are also humans. They have their ups and downs to, their bad days and moodiness.

Get him space and time.

6. “I hate my thighs”

If he didn’t find you attractive, he wouldn’t be with you in the first place. Period, end of story.

Talking about how unattractive you are, or how you don’t like certain parts of your body will only make you looks insecure. We girls like men who have self-confidence. I’m sure men are attracted to self-confidence women too. Don’t draw his attention to all your flaws (even though we all know you have them). Instead, show why he was and still is attracted to you. Be sexy and stay sexy.

7. “Why are you friends with him?”

You might not like his friends, family, dog, business contacts. But you don’t have to hate them. Don’t be in a position where he has to keep defending them. Learn to get along with them and try to see things from his perspective. Try to understand why he likes or trust them. Trust his judgments. And whatever you do, don’t ever make him pick a side. You will lose out at the end.

I’ve said enough. To all the girls out there, good luck in your relationship :p

~es~

*small excerpts from Shine at Yahoo

Girls. Complicated?

Just the other day, a friend of mine complained “Girls are complicated. First they want you to work hard and earn more money. But then when you work hard, they complain that you don’t spend enough time with them.”

At that point, I just keep quiet, not knowing whether to defend my own species or agree that girls are extremely complicated beings. And then I realize… Girls are not so complicated. It’s just that God made us differently from guys and the way we think and feel are much different.

My guy friends always tell me that the minds of girls are very complicated and it is not easy understanding them. Girls say something but mean another thing. They tell you they don’t want something, but deep inside they want it so badly. Why on earth girls cannot say whatever they want to instead of trying to make guys read their mind? They would all give a big SIGH…

So guys, here’s a lesson for you on how to lessen your girlfriend’s complain about the amount of time you spend with her and girls, here how to make your boyfie’s life easier.

# 1. Set aside 1 or 2 days a week just for yourselves. It’s because some weeks, things will get so busy and everything is extremely important or urgent and you gotta handle it or you are going to lose the customer and your boss will fire you, that kinda thing.. and before you know it, it’s too late and you might even lose her to someone who will appreciate her more. Remember that this means no interruptions from friends, parents, phone calls, emails, fax, etc… Believe me, it’s worth it. It doesn’t matter if it’s just yam char-ing at the mamak or catching a movie. What matters is that you set a time just for you both and please guys, make sure you spend that time with her and not with your phone or work.

#2. Quality, not quantity. I know. I know. Lots of people know it but not many people follows. Please, spend quality time with each other. Guys, there is no point in taking her for movies every single day of the week when you are not really there with her. If you are not “there”, don’t bother taking her out at all. You’ll be wasting your time and money. Girls are sensitive. They know when you are not there with them. Physically yes but mentally no. Be with her when you are with her and not a thousand miles away. That is what matters to us.

#3. Prioritize. I’m not saying that you prioritize your life. E.g. God, loved ones, finance…. (Please do it if you have not). But in your list of to-dos, you can do that. Some things can be put aside first. Determine what is urgent and important, what is urgent but not important, what is not urgent but important and what is not urgent and not important. If you have a very understanding girlfriend, then good for you. If not, prioritizing will take you a long way.

#4. Talk with each other. Girls are not that complicated, and neither are guys. All you got to do is learn to listen to the other when they talk. Really listen to what they are trying to say. Try to hear the 3rd conversation going on in their minds. And put yourselves in their shoes. I always believe that a couple should always talk to each other A LOT. Really really sit down and talk. Not just spend your time together watching movies or making out. Talking bonds people and build a better relationship.

I’ve said my part and I hope that it may help you in your relationship. And now it’s your turn to do something.

My final piece of advice,

Girls, please be MORE understanding and LESS demanding.

And guys keep in mind that making money is NOT everything. *at least to most girls :p

Toodles,
~es~

And they all lived happily ever after…

Do you ever believe that you will finally meet someone, fall so deeply in love and lived happily ever after? Like in all fairy tales..

I grew up as a little girl, watching fairy tales and hopping that one day my prince will come and rescue me on a white horse.. And then we will live happily ever after. Ask most girls or ladies… I’m sure we all grew up with such hopes and dreams…

But reality strikes and we are back with the not-so-perfect guy and then we’ll wonder… what happened?

Some people spend their whole life looking for just the perfect guy and some stay stuck their whole life with the not-so-perfect guy.  So what when wrong?

I got just 1 word for it… Its “YOU”. You need to stop living in a fantasy world. You will end up hurting yourself and your love ones..

So don’t go looking around for the perfect man.. They may never come..

Just look at the one beside you and thank God everyday that He have given someone so special and so unique to love. He may not be perfect, but then again, you are not perfect either… That’s what make life so interesting :p and maybe… just maybe, you’ll discover someone perfect for you…

And they all lived happily ever after…

~es~

Who wears the pants?

I’m sure you have heard of this popular game on Hitz.FM. Is a game where a guy answering a girl questions competes with a girl answering a guy question. And the winner is the one who manage to answer the most question right. And if you didn’t know it, the girls have always (almost always :) been winning this game. And the conclusion is “Girls wears the pants” :p yay! Go girls!

I really enjoy hearing the game and trying to answer the questions myself. People have always known me as a feminist, an ever-powerful, ever-strong, ever-in-control girl who believes strongly that woman and man have equal rights. Ever since young, I’ve always been taking over roles in which many believe should be a man’s responsibilities. Even at university, I had lots of fans :) “Anti – Esther fan club” where all the guys goes running back with their tails between their legs to complain and bitch about after losing out to me ;p. Yep, that’s right, it’s so fun

Now, as I grow older, I’m still a feminist. I still believe that woman & man have equal roles in society. And I guess that in a relationship, it’s still the same. That’s why God created us that way. In a relationship, a woman and a man are made to complement each other. There are certain things which man can do and certain things which only woman can do. Women are made to be a companion to the man, and the men are made to love the woman. That’s natural … Some woman believes that they have to be in control in a relationship. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but I think that there might be other ways without wearing the pants *winks*.

So here is my take. I believe that a man and a woman have equal rights but I also strongly believe that in a relationship, a man wears the pants (but the woman holds up the pants)

I’m a feminist or some may call me a post-feminist, and I’m darn proud of it :p

~es~

Dating a Rockstar…

Have you ever hear the phrase “Avoid dating musicians?” Well, if you have not, then you will hear it from me. Girls tend to avoid dating musicians. Nope, they are attracted to musicians *gosh, so much talents* but having a relationship with them can be such a big NO NO to them. Maybe it’s the common knowledge musicians cannot be trusted or that his first love will always be music or maybe is the late nights and girl fans part. Yep, dating musicians can be quite a heartbreaker..

But then again, it’s not that hard. I should know about it *winks* Musicians have certain characteristics that should be known before entering into a relationship. What you need is lots of patience, understanding, persistence and love for music * I’m working on this* wish me luck

So here is my piece of advice..

Love Music. Enjoy listening to the music they are creating or when they play. If you hate their music, you’re signing up for disaster.

Understanding. Understand that part of being a musician means having late night’s activity and thongs of girl fans. It does not mean that they are cheating on you. Understand that sometimes they are so caught up with music and their gig that they may tend to forget you are around. It does not mean that they don’t need you to be there.

Time. Music is a time-consuming addiction more than a ‘job’. Resist the urge to compete for their attention when they are working. Don’t pout and whine that he is always spending time with his music.

Encouragements. Encourage them. Musicians are not superman. They also need the boost of confidence and praises from you, not just from his fans.

Security. You need lots of them. Understand that musicians have had a long-term relationship with the music. Any issues on possessiveness and/or jealousy got to be managed well. Don’t try and block the person from their music. Remember that with musicians, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE NUMBER TWO, even though they tell you otherwise.

 Yep, dating musicians can be tough but then again, musicians are well known for their passion *winks*

~es~

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